— Лікарю, а капці до лікарні брати?
— А якого вони у вас кольору?
Приколи нік повинен
Анекдот
THERE IS NO CHAIR
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on top of his desk and wrote on the board: «Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.»
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
A week later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an «A» when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: «What chair?»
Анекдот
THE MOTHER-IN-LAW!
A man, his wife and mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, «You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.OO.»
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, «Why? Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and spend only $150.00?»
The man said, «A man died here 2000 years ago, he was buried here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.»
Анекдот
MOST FAMOUS MAN WHO EVER LIVED
One day many years ago at a school in South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, «I'll give $20 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived.»
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, «It was St. Patrick.» The teacher said, «Sorry Alan, that's not correct.»
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, «It was St. Andrew.» The teacher replied, «I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either.»
Finally, a Gujarati boy raised his hand and said, «It was Jesus Christ.» The teacher said, «That's absolutely right, Jayant, come up here and I'll give you the $20.»
As the teacher was giving Jayant his money, she said, «You know Jayant, since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ.» Jayant replied, «Yes, in my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is business!»
Анекдот
LOOSE LIVING AND CHEAP WOMEN
A man who reeked of alcohol flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of rum was sticking out of his ripped jacket pocket.
He opened his newspaper and started reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, «Say, Father, do you know what causes arthritis?»
The priest, disgusted by the man's appearance and behavior snapped, «It's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man!»
«Well, I'll be,» the man muttered and returned to his newspaper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized, «I'm sorry to have come on so strong — I didn't mean it. How long have you been suffering from arthritis?»
«I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.»
Анекдот
IN RABBIT HEAVEN
Once there was a married couple who promised each other that who ever died first would come back to tell the other what heaven was like. It happened to be that the husband died first. And sure enough, one evening the wife heard the voice of her husband, and she asked him, so what was it like.
He began to describe, «Well, first I get up in the morning and have an organic salad, then I have sex, then I eat again, then in the afternoon I have more sex. Then I have another meal of natural food, and again have more sex in the evening before I go to sleep.»
The wife was quite surprised at this and asked, «So that is what it is like in heaven.»
The husband replied, «Who said anything about heaven? I’m a bunny rabbit in Kansas.»
Анекдот
24 лютого 2011 року відбувається прес-конференція, присвячена першіј річниці перебування на президентськіј посаді Віктора Хведоровича Януковича. Журналіст з Юзівки ставить питання п. Януковичу:
— Пане президенте, ми за вас голосували на виборах, на вас покладали великі надії та сподівання. І треба дати вам належне: ви хороше говорите, проте ваш попередник В. Ющенко не словом, а ділом створив, як обіцяв 5 млн робочих місць. А якиј ваш најбільшиј успіх і здобуток за минулиј рік?
— О-о-о, не перебільшујте, будь ласка! Тут мені підказують мої радники, що Віктор Андріјович не тільки створив, але за јого п'ятирічку в тој самиј час було закрито і зрујновано мајже 3 млн робочих місць. От і рахујте самі. А я нічого не обіцяв, але за свіј першиј рік уже створив 5 млн робочих місць.
— Перепрошую, де?
— В Росії! І заробітчани за кордоном мені за це, як так розумію, дуже вдячні.
